Beautiful and sad

The service at the UU this morning was beautiful, a moving event carried primarily by the music. The topic, one seldom discussed in Spartanburg County churches, was domestic violence. October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month. I didn't want to look at this topic. Who wants to look at this vile and gut wrenching thing? Who else will look at this subject? We have to look and grieve for the suffering, for the deep and lasting hurt.

Statistics aside, there is still a culture that maintains there are instances when it is okay for a man to hit a woman and brutalize his children. (Female-to-male abuse does happen but is the exception.) There is a culture of male dominance and entitlement around here that makes it acceptable and patriarchal religions don't treat it as a crime against humanity or God.

I grew up here and was indoctrinated with male supremacy by my family, community, and church. It has been with me forever, woven into my world and consciousness as air and rain, as the pungent odor of stagnant water. It was not questioned. The code was transmitted in so many subtle and powerful ways. It took a long time and a lot of spiritual growth for me to recognize my own bigotry, to begin to thaw and emerge from my own attitudes about male supremacy/inherent female inferiority. Women advancing the patriarchy is not often talked about but is a real factor. The sad truth is that many, many more women never surface and live this "truth" their whole lives, pass it on to their children, help keep the boot on their own and all women's necks.

I don't feel that underlying current of male dominance, myself and all my sisters viewed as second class citizens, at the UU church. It is one of many things I cherish about our faith. It is a haven, a bubble of civility, in a region consumed by fear and all it's ugly faces. I'm not sure that those who didn't grow up under the cloud of patriarchal doctrine can truly appreciate the sanctuary that UUCS is. But many of you like me know at a soul level how sweet it is to live free of the stench of patriarchal dogma that binds the feminine spirit in grotesque ways.

I am very proud of our little church for giving this issue the attention it deserves in such a soulful, respectful way. I was laid open nearly from the first note. Sometimes music is the only vessel suited to convey certain soul truths and today it took me to the river of compassion and showed me how to sit there and be present with the awfulness that is domestic violence. Thank you Keith Plumley, Joyce Harrison, Bonnie-Lee Mizzell, Maurice Burgess, Don Rollins, and choir for your gifts to us today!